Chapter Twenty Two:
The Great "De Ai"("De ai"- "meeting" )
Christmas and New Year’s celebrations came and went in 2001-2002. I drank my beer and sake (sa-kay), a Japanese traditional rice wine, at Mr. Momose’s house, and, I obsessed. I still obsessed. Every. Single. Day. I returned to work after the Christmas Holiday, and the night before the first day back, I lay on my side in my apartment with a tender liver. I could actually feel some tenderness in my liver, and I knew that it was, of course, from drinking. I was a little worried. I decided to take a day off from drinking. There was the concept of an alcohol-free day once a week in Japan- it was called “keen shew bee-.” At that point, I thought I might try it.
My stomach was still far from perfect. In truth, the stomach itself felt fine, but my bowel movements were still the cause of concern because of the presence of blood in my stools. Of course, my drinking of formidable amounts of beer, whiskey, and sake was not helping my intestines, but I didn’t know it for sure. I suspected, though,very strongly, that my drinking wasn’t good for my stomach, but the thought of quitting drinking made me very uncomfortable- angry even. Drinking was the glimmering beacon of relief and comfort in the relentless stormy seas that terrified and tossed me during each and every day and I couldn’t imagine life without it. Still, my gut health was the source of a great deal of anxiety,..., oh yes, there was the undeniable knowledge that something was wrong, and the memories of the infamously invasive rectal exam I had in 1999, loomed menacingly in my mind. I could go back to yet another Doctor and request another rectal exam,…. “No Fucking way!” I thought, and grimaced to myself. That exam had been so humiliating because the doctor had said, after he shoved his gloved and lubricated fingers up my ass, that there was “nothing the matter.” But he had not asked me about my alcohol consumption, my mental health, nor had he requested a stool sample, which if he would have, he would have been able to see that it was more than just haemorrhoids! It was really very maddening. What made it infinitely more frustrating was that all throughout my youth I had been listening to a narrative in my family that placed the idea of becoming a doctor as the highest achievable outcome in life, and we were always sort of compared to the Doctors who had succeeded in life. That pushed it all right over the edge!
And still, throughout it all, I had to get up and go to work! The job that I had, required that I go to two different workplaces. One was a factory near my apartment. And the other factory was in the next village over, a village called Miyada village, and to get to that factory, it was a 3 minute train ride. That, plus the 15 minutes walk from my apartment down the hill to the Otagiri Station.
Miyada was to the North of Komagane, and in fact, Miyada was arrived at simply by crossing the Otagiri River that flowed down from the mountains on the West side of the Ina valley. Komagane city was located at the bottom of the valley where the Tenryu Gawa (Tenryu River ) flowed swiftly along. The Ina valley is a wide valley that runs North and South. On the West side of Komagane city, is Mount Komagatake (koma-ga ta-kay). On the East side is Mount Senjo. Thousands of Japanese tourists visit Komagane each year, to hike in the mountains and visit the famous Temples like Kozenji, and Anraku-ji. Incidentally, I taught the priests and their families at both of those temples….
The Ina valley was pretty,... There were houses in the bottom and along the sides of the valley up to a point, and then the houses were no more,.... The mountainsides were covered with various trees, mostly Cedars of a couple different types. In the valley where the people lived, there were houses and the houses continued along the rivers and in the areas of semi-flat topography, continuously, sprawling seemingly eternally, a chain of houses, stores, and whatnot-. It wasn’t like Saskatchewan where you drove out of a city and then you were in the country and there was just the odd farm house,..., and then, suddenly, a little town to pass through,.... No, this was more like a valley, maybe 8km across, with mountains on both sides, that wound its way North to South, for hundreds and then thousands of kilometers. The valley was actually a labyrinth of many valleys, all joined together, and everywhere there was flat land, houses were built.
The valley where I was living was the Ina (eena) valley. It was in Nagano prefecture, and Kami- Ina County. The city's name is Komagane. Komagane is a beautiful little city. There are a lot of small fields around and right inside Komagane. Around the various fields, there are houses, businesses, schools, roads, a highway, a hospital,.... The farmers grow rice, and some grow barley too. Many people have vegetable gardens, and various fruits grow extremely well in that area, so there are grape farmers, peach farmers, apple farmers,..., and the fruits that they grow there are of a quality that is exquisite. You couldn’t ask for better, sweeter, more delectable fruits…! Indeed, komagane is a kind of paradise….
The climate in Komagane was beautiful, and the four seasons were similar to, yet less harsh, than those in Saskatchewan. I enjoyed the city very much. I am proud to call Komagane my Japanese home…!
The winter months gave way to snowfall, and my host father, Mr. Momose and I, had been spending a lot of time together in 2001 and early 2002. His first name is Katsuhiko. Katsuhiko and I got along well. I used to go and visit with him and his wife Shoko, and their daughter Hiromi. It came to pass that Katsuhiko invited me on a ski trip one weekend, and I accepted the invitation. Katsuhiko, Shoko (Katsuhiko’s wife), and I drove up to a ski resort about an hour away from Matsumoto city. We got out of the car, and went in to visit with the master of a noodle and Sake (rice wine) shop at the foot of the mountain at the ski resort. We drank a few small cups of hot rice wine, and then we went outside and began to get ready to ski. I was a little intoxicated, and I clumsily dropped my glasses and then I stepped on them with my ski boots! “Oh NO!” I thought…. I really liked being able to see everything nicely, and clearly, and now I would have to go and find a shop that could fix my glasses or sell me a new pair…, a task that would cut into my drinking time!
Our ski-day finished, and I went back to Komagane early, determined to sort out my glasses. That evening I went out to a small pub, and by chance I met a lady who told me that she owned a Jewellery and eye-glass shop! I took her business card and agreed to visit her at her shop the following day.
The following day, I woke up and I got ready to go down to the shop. I got out my bicycle and I began to make my way to where I thought the shop was. Interestingly, I rode past the shop a couple of times, but I didn’t realize it. I looked for it but I couldn’t find it. This was another miracle! So, I decided to just let the bicycle go downhill and just go with it. I got to a street corner shortly after, maybe 200m from the original shop, and I asked a man who was standing on the street corner if he knew of any glasses shops or jewelry shops close by. Amazingly, there was one, just around the corner, and he told me that it was called “Shiratori” and that it was a watch and glasses shop. It wasn’t the shop that I had set out for, but it was “Shiratori” which means white bird or “white swan”, and it was intriguing so, I went toward the shop and parked my bicycle near it, then I stepped inside.
Inside the shop it was warm and clean. Bossanova music played softly in the background and throughout the store there were display cases of ornate rings and all kinds of polished Jewellery. A lady greeted me when I stepped in:
“Irashaimase!” (Welcome), she called out to me, with a kind voice and a warm smile.
“Konnichiwa,” (Hello) I said, smiling a little and nodding.
I began to explain to the lady about my broken glasses, …. A couple of minutes later, an older gentleman, whom I presumed, was the lady’s father, walked up toward me and greeted me with a smile and a soft “Domo!” (hello/welcome). He was a sharply dressed fellow with a strikingly handsome face,.... The lady explained to her father that I was hoping to get my glasses fixed, or to buy a new pair….
Tea was kindly offered to me, and I was immediately fond of the shop. We sat down and began to make conversation. The people in the shop were very friendly, and I got a very nice feeling from them. I decided to purchase a pair of glasses right then. I didn’t know it yet, but the lady was my future sister-in-law, and the gentleman was my future father-in-law.
The gentleman made the glasses at once and after about 30 minutes they were completed and I tried them on. They were very good. I paid my bill, and thanked them. I didn’t want to leave though,…. The gentleman had been so kind,…, he had asked me if I liked steak, and when I told him that I did, he said he would take me for a steak dinner, someday! That was not a normal everyday occurrence, especially for me who was so far away from my home in Saskatchewan, and it really cheered me up, plus the fact that the lady was very nice and polite, (and she was very pretty too)…. I thought that she would be a nice candidate for my future girlfriend…, but I couldn’t ask her on a date right then…! I hardly knew her. When we were all finished, and I had said everything I could think of,..., I left the shop, very reluctantly, my heart aching….
When I got back to the apartment, I poured myself a drink, and sat down, contemplating my fortunate encounter! I gazed out the window at the mountains, and I thought,.… The daylight faded and the mountains across the valley were lit up brilliantly by the setting sun. I turned my laptop on and played a song, “You Got it” by Roy Orbison,.... The liquor was delicious, and as I sipped and sat and poured more whiskey, my mind temporarily relaxed and I felt a surge of joy ! “I will find a way,...” I said to myself, as I soaked up the comforting glow of the Suntory Whiskey and felt it gently easing my frazzled nervous system, I thought of the Japanese proverb “Sake wa hyaku yaku no CHO!” (Alcohol is better than a hundred medicines!) As I looked across the valley at the orange-lit mountainside, I thought of David S, and Hungry Hill- What would Grandma and Grandpa be doing? and a pang of homesickness shot through my stomach….
Now, here’s another interesting thing. I took the glasses off and looked at them and I began to worry– that it might be possible– although I was sure it was impossible and ridiculous– that little tiny slivers of plastic might be coming off of the glass frames and going into the skin on my temples. It was silly! I felt a shot of adrenalin collide with my heart…. I tried to argue with the thoughts. I kept thinking about it. I poured another drink, closed the curtains of the window, and sat down, exhausted, at my desk. This is just an example of the type of thoughts and feelings I would have during my everyday life….
Over the next few days, I kept thinking about the shop and the nice lady, and the older gentleman. I also, as usual, would start to obsess (think) about all kinds of irrational stuff, including the glasses. I wanted to sit and talk with someone. Anyone! I wanted to tell them about all of the stuff that I thought about daily…. I wanted relief! Oh my God, how I wanted relief!! It's remarkable how just the mere idea of “confessing” to someone, the content of an obsession and the prospect of letting them hear about the worry and then the idea of them telling you that the worry was ridiculous, is/was so powerful. Apparently, this is because the brain is sending out false signals and the limbic system is responding as if there is an actual emergency. It’s totally natural to want relief from the angst of OCD. It’s the instinctive response. But knowing that doesn’t change the devastation that it does….
So,... I made a point of going back to the glasses shop. I wanted to be happy! I went to the shop to see the nice people, and to assuage my OCD, and on the third visit, my future mother-in-law, told me “Chotto matte kudasai ne! Musume wo yobimasu no de…(just a moment please, I’m going to call my daughter…,)” and she disappeared upstairs, to get her other daughter, who at this point I had no idea even existed! A minute or two later, the bead curtain opened and another young lady came out with the mother. It was my future wife, and she was ab-so-lut-ely beautiful!
She had a gorgeous mane of thick, wavy-brown and black hair and a lovely smile with pretty features, a look of striking elegance, and beauty. Much to my amazement, she began to speak to me in English! I was floored– at her proficient pronunciation, and her overall command of the English language! She was so cheerful and smart…, … Oh glorious Happy Day! I was so surprised! How was it that a lady like her had lived there, and I had no idea? How was it that she was such a great English speaker, and so beautiful!? And standing there, in front of me? She sat down, on the opposite side of the display case, and the other sister brought out two steaming cups of exotic smelling tea, in ornate clear glasses….
I was quite sure, as I sat there, that I would never have a chance at a romantic relationship with her,…. I kept anticipating that I would be made aware, at any moment, any given second, of her husband or boyfriend, or fiance, some male presence in some form or another,..., and I prepared myself for that mortal blow! …. But nothing was mentioned…, a faint glimmer of hope flickered within me! Could it be? I barely dared to even consider it,...!
We talked and I tried to look calm and collected. I was with a couple colleagues at the time and I decided to take the risk of rejection, because I knew I simply had to try for a date, and I made up a story, saying that a group of us were going bowling that Friday night, and would she and her sister like to join us?.... They accepted immediately!... I was so excited! Incredulous, and dumbfounded, and so very excited!
That Friday came, slowly, and I could barely wait…. I worked each day, and looked forward to the nights, when I could go to one of my several regular restaurants and devour warm noodles, or deep-fried cutlets, to be washed down with several pints of draft beer. Friday eventually came. I could barely contain my excitement! Sonoko arrived at the bowling alley by herself. Her sister had been “busy”…. it turned out that Sonoko was 28 years old but her sister was 31. I was 25. Both of the ladies were single. Sonoko was closer to my age and she had travelled and studied abroad and she was an ESL teacher in Japan. We hit it off immediately, having so much in common….
We started dating! I felt like a new person. It was an instant victory. The war was continuing, but it wasn’t as hard! It was love. You see, I knew, as soon as I met Sonoko, that I wanted to marry her. But I told myself that I had to wait. We began to go on dates and we got to know each other. I kept wondering when some bad aspect to the relationship might present itself, and send me into a tailspin, maybe something about her, that I would find intolerable, or that my OCD might latch onto. I still had the OCD, and sometimes I would think about things,..., but I thought to myself, “I am not going to let OCD ruin this,...!” I wanted to stay with her, and I wanted to be her long-term partner. I wanted to tell her about everything. I wanted to wait six months, and then propose to her. But, I had a serious issue! I had the option of not mentioning anything about it to her, but it wasn’t really even an option. You see, I hated lying. Lying caused me to feel excruciatingly guilty, it was and is an aspect to my OCD. Because OCD was such an issue for me, I decided I would give her full disclosure, and run the risk of her saying “NO!” or “Are you serious?” or the infinite other possible things she could say in response,.... I began planning and crafting the details of how I would address the issue of “spilling the beans,” and it was a delicate subject for me because of the high stakes. After all, what if she decided, after hearing about my plight, that it was all too much for her, and that she wasn’t interested, any longer, in being part of my life. I put that one on my tab too. For the time being I was intent on going out with Sonoko as much as I could, and no matter what you say, her presence in my life had unequivocally improved my life, in so many ways, that I still smile in satisfaction, when I reflect on those days.